Honk if you like bangs
The honest to God truth is that I love having bangs. I haven't yet quite felt the need to grow them out and phase out bangs, because it's something simple that makes me look different. However, my parents don't feel the same way and this morning I had an earful of yelling from my mother who was trying to set me straight about the way I look. "When will you listen? Why is that you have so many people telling you not to cut it and you cut your bangs anyway?" I think it was too early in the morning so I just sat there and tried to tune her out.
I wanted to ask her, "well why don't you just get over it? It's such a small thing. Why not just say okay you got your bangs cut?" Why does it always have to blow up into a huge fight? I'm always so jealous of those people whose parents are supportive of everything they do. Whether they want to go study abroad, move away for work, or pick a non-conventional career, their parents stand by them trusting, and at least offer non-yelling constructive criticism, about their choices. Why can't mine be like that? I know my mother is ashamed to be seen with me because I don't look, or act like my sister, her friends' daughters or my cousins. It's a given and I don't care. What I do care about is how low it makes me feel, and that everything else I've accomplished and been successful at doesn't matter. Is it because if one of her random acquaintances were to see me they wouldn't know that I was a successful engineer but rather they'd see some ugly girl who can't speak Chinese and probably can't do any of the other stuff Chinese girls are supposed to do?
I don't think a lot of people understand why very often I don't like the Chinese culture. It's always about looks first, everything else doesn't matter. It's about how other people perceive you instead of what you think of yourself. It's about uniformity rather than being unique. How does a person try to explain to their parents that something as simple as bangs helps them achieve the image that they want? They're bangs for godsake. Is it because my mother is afraid I'll never find anyone because of the way I look? Well I'm always afraid about that, but maybe if I find someone who is attracted to the way I look, that'll be the kind of person that I want to be with?
I wanted to ask her, "well why don't you just get over it? It's such a small thing. Why not just say okay you got your bangs cut?" Why does it always have to blow up into a huge fight? I'm always so jealous of those people whose parents are supportive of everything they do. Whether they want to go study abroad, move away for work, or pick a non-conventional career, their parents stand by them trusting, and at least offer non-yelling constructive criticism, about their choices. Why can't mine be like that? I know my mother is ashamed to be seen with me because I don't look, or act like my sister, her friends' daughters or my cousins. It's a given and I don't care. What I do care about is how low it makes me feel, and that everything else I've accomplished and been successful at doesn't matter. Is it because if one of her random acquaintances were to see me they wouldn't know that I was a successful engineer but rather they'd see some ugly girl who can't speak Chinese and probably can't do any of the other stuff Chinese girls are supposed to do?
I don't think a lot of people understand why very often I don't like the Chinese culture. It's always about looks first, everything else doesn't matter. It's about how other people perceive you instead of what you think of yourself. It's about uniformity rather than being unique. How does a person try to explain to their parents that something as simple as bangs helps them achieve the image that they want? They're bangs for godsake. Is it because my mother is afraid I'll never find anyone because of the way I look? Well I'm always afraid about that, but maybe if I find someone who is attracted to the way I look, that'll be the kind of person that I want to be with?
posted by Miss Pow @ 9:59 a.m.
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