How about an order of shut the fuck up?
I don't think there's anything that pisses me off more than someone nagging me over and over again, asking me what's wrong with me. And the main culprit who triggers this anger, resentment and frustration? My mother. The reason? For not being in a relationship. Since starting this blog, I've been in a relationship, been out of that relationship (which I now realize was a blessing in disguise), but I have spent much more time battling with my elders, both related, and non-related, and rationalizing to myself what it means to me to be single, and how I shouldn't be fucking compared any other goddamn fucking person.
It's taken me a long time to not feel lonely, to be happy with who I am and that time alone is time I spend developing myself and growing as a person. In my opinion, when the right person comes along, I don't want to be a fucking door knob. I want to be a woman who has a bit of substance to her, some depth so that X number of years down the road I can still have a conversation with that person. Is it too much to ask for people to give it a rest?? I know that I'm single. I've heard over and over again how much more wonderful life would be if I had a partner. Yes, there are a lot of things I miss that I can only have by being with someone. But life is just so much less complicated not being in a relationship. I've resolved that I need to move out. That's been on my list of to-do things anyways, but it's moved up in the list of priorities pretty quickly.
I've even had my mechanic's wife tell me how I should find a boyfriend. "You know Patricia, you have a good job, you have a car now. Why don't you find a boyfriend?" And here I am thinking what the fuck is going on? "Don't worry Patricia, you can hang out with Melanie (her daughter) because she doesn't have a boyfriend either". Great now I can form a club of spinsters. But last time I checked, her daughter did have a boyfriend she didn't know about. And today my mom came into my room to tell me some juicy news about my cousin (twice removed). "You know your aunt says that your cousin and he boyfriend are serious. She thinks that they'll get engaged soon. What about you? You don't even have a boyfriend" WELL THANKS FOR THE FUCKING REVELATION. I know I don't' have a boyfriend. And I don't care if she's going to get engaged. This is the cousin who unknowingly started to severely degrade my quality of life way back in high school. The cousin who made my great grandmother the happiest woman in the world, probably even happier than I've ever been able to make her. The same great mother that decided to call my mother screaming how happy she was, as if she won the bloody fucking lottery, that her great granddaughter had a boyfriend. Then it began. "What's wrong with you, why don't' you have a boyfriend?" On Wednesday, I was volunteering as a judge at a 2nd year university Engineering tradeshow, and came home kind of late. My mom came down the stairs and thought I had gone out with some guy I might had met. When I told her I was out with Thom, it was an oh and a sigh of disappointment that I hadn't come to tell her that I was madly in love with some bloke I had met at a University event. Yeah Mum, that's how I like them-- nice and young and in 2nd year Engineering.
And do you know what the funniest thing is about all of this? That my mother has never liked anyone I've liked. Why? Maybe because none of them been Chinese. Well reality check, I hate Chinese people anyways and I think I need to send out a memo with the message, "I will never date Chinese guys anyways, so give it up". I'm at the point where I want to shoot myself. Okay, not really. Frankly, I'd rather be in debt and living on my own, than staying at home and listening to this shit everyday. What kind of mother puts this much pressure on her child to get hitched? Especially when the child is only 23!!!! It always puts me in a bad mood and I end up snapping at everyone. I don't want to lose my friends in addition to not being in a relationship.
So what does it take to get my mom and everyone else off my case?? Let me know because I sure as hell don't fucking know.
It's taken me a long time to not feel lonely, to be happy with who I am and that time alone is time I spend developing myself and growing as a person. In my opinion, when the right person comes along, I don't want to be a fucking door knob. I want to be a woman who has a bit of substance to her, some depth so that X number of years down the road I can still have a conversation with that person. Is it too much to ask for people to give it a rest?? I know that I'm single. I've heard over and over again how much more wonderful life would be if I had a partner. Yes, there are a lot of things I miss that I can only have by being with someone. But life is just so much less complicated not being in a relationship. I've resolved that I need to move out. That's been on my list of to-do things anyways, but it's moved up in the list of priorities pretty quickly.
I've even had my mechanic's wife tell me how I should find a boyfriend. "You know Patricia, you have a good job, you have a car now. Why don't you find a boyfriend?" And here I am thinking what the fuck is going on? "Don't worry Patricia, you can hang out with Melanie (her daughter) because she doesn't have a boyfriend either". Great now I can form a club of spinsters. But last time I checked, her daughter did have a boyfriend she didn't know about. And today my mom came into my room to tell me some juicy news about my cousin (twice removed). "You know your aunt says that your cousin and he boyfriend are serious. She thinks that they'll get engaged soon. What about you? You don't even have a boyfriend" WELL THANKS FOR THE FUCKING REVELATION. I know I don't' have a boyfriend. And I don't care if she's going to get engaged. This is the cousin who unknowingly started to severely degrade my quality of life way back in high school. The cousin who made my great grandmother the happiest woman in the world, probably even happier than I've ever been able to make her. The same great mother that decided to call my mother screaming how happy she was, as if she won the bloody fucking lottery, that her great granddaughter had a boyfriend. Then it began. "What's wrong with you, why don't' you have a boyfriend?" On Wednesday, I was volunteering as a judge at a 2nd year university Engineering tradeshow, and came home kind of late. My mom came down the stairs and thought I had gone out with some guy I might had met. When I told her I was out with Thom, it was an oh and a sigh of disappointment that I hadn't come to tell her that I was madly in love with some bloke I had met at a University event. Yeah Mum, that's how I like them-- nice and young and in 2nd year Engineering.
And do you know what the funniest thing is about all of this? That my mother has never liked anyone I've liked. Why? Maybe because none of them been Chinese. Well reality check, I hate Chinese people anyways and I think I need to send out a memo with the message, "I will never date Chinese guys anyways, so give it up". I'm at the point where I want to shoot myself. Okay, not really. Frankly, I'd rather be in debt and living on my own, than staying at home and listening to this shit everyday. What kind of mother puts this much pressure on her child to get hitched? Especially when the child is only 23!!!! It always puts me in a bad mood and I end up snapping at everyone. I don't want to lose my friends in addition to not being in a relationship.
So what does it take to get my mom and everyone else off my case?? Let me know because I sure as hell don't fucking know.
posted by Miss Pow @ 7:20 p.m.
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