Lessons Learned

So my parents have been driving me crazy for the past week (well maybe more like the past few years) but after talking to some friends I have slowly started to learn what it takes to keep my sanity versus wanting to kill myself.

1. Understand that parents are somehow pre-programmed to make your life a fucking hell
2. Don't talk back. Just stand and ignore
3. When the going gets tough, just leave and go to your room (ear plugs recommended)
4. Don't keep the hope that you can talk to them and that they'll understand because they won't
5. Become reclusive at home and devote your time to yourself. Avoid interaction with others. Or devote your life to online chatting were you can complain and bitch with friends who are going through the same shit or who are suffering from similar emotional turmoil
6. Go to the fucking bank, figure out how much money you have and plan on moving the fuck out

Gremlins.

Normally when I work out I like to watch television at the same time. Two Sundays ago I watched the greatest movie of all-- The Goonies. This week it was Gremlins 2. It's been a while since I watched that movie and today I couldn't get over how fucked up the movie was. I couldn't get over the fact that it was something kids could get watched. Like whoever came up with the idea for the 2nd movie must have smoked some serious shit to make the movie they did.

I started watching at the part where they're in some animal testing lab, creating some of the most cutting edge potions that transform the animal into whatever the potion is for. So of course, those crazy gremlins take over and start drinking these kool-aid coloured concoctions. One gremlin drinks a blue potion with a lightning bolt and turns into a bolt of electricity. Another drinks a liquid with a bat on it and then it grows wings. Some insane gremlin scientist, with a proper brit accent, goes and injects him with a sun blocking liquid and so the bat-gremlin is able to fly out of the building leaving a Batman symbol behind (we see the Brit again later on in the movie, wielding a pistol and shooting at random gremlins). The last transformation I remember is of the gremlin that drank from a beaker with a spider symbol. No it didn't turn into Spiderman, but it grew 6 additional nasty legs. Somehow in all this commotion, the movie cuts out and Hulk Hogan is threatening Gremlins because they've put on some 1950's nudie movie instead.

The most disturbing part of all of this was the buxom super sexed up female gremlin version of Marilyn Monroe. With done up green hair, pouty red lips, calves of steel and in a glittery Tina Turner dress and pumps, this little freak of nature is constantly after one of the human-male characters. The movie ends with the CEO of the building saying to this poor soul, "Just keep your pants on we'll get to you eventually". I let out a big uh-oh as the scene changed to the top floor bathroom with the man sitting on the counter, lipstick kisses all over his face, as the buxom gremlin is walking towards him in a white wedding gown. Like WTF? The scene ends with him shrugging his shoulders and sliding down to greet his new wife. I don't want to think about how they fucking consummate the marriage.

I can't believe we were allowed to watch this when we were children. What happened between the first and second movie? It went from crazy gremlin attack on little town to crazy, over ambitious, sexed up gremlins who sing New York, New York that go and take over an office tower?


Gizmo. Aww so cute.

Woah, that's a nasty fucker.

How about an order of shut the fuck up?

I don't think there's anything that pisses me off more than someone nagging me over and over again, asking me what's wrong with me. And the main culprit who triggers this anger, resentment and frustration? My mother. The reason? For not being in a relationship. Since starting this blog, I've been in a relationship, been out of that relationship (which I now realize was a blessing in disguise), but I have spent much more time battling with my elders, both related, and non-related, and rationalizing to myself what it means to me to be single, and how I shouldn't be fucking compared any other goddamn fucking person.

It's taken me a long time to not feel lonely, to be happy with who I am and that time alone is time I spend developing myself and growing as a person. In my opinion, when the right person comes along, I don't want to be a fucking door knob. I want to be a woman who has a bit of substance to her, some depth so that X number of years down the road I can still have a conversation with that person. Is it too much to ask for people to give it a rest?? I know that I'm single. I've heard over and over again how much more wonderful life would be if I had a partner. Yes, there are a lot of things I miss that I can only have by being with someone. But life is just so much less complicated not being in a relationship. I've resolved that I need to move out. That's been on my list of to-do things anyways, but it's moved up in the list of priorities pretty quickly.

I've even had my mechanic's wife tell me how I should find a boyfriend. "You know Patricia, you have a good job, you have a car now. Why don't you find a boyfriend?" And here I am thinking what the fuck is going on? "Don't worry Patricia, you can hang out with Melanie (her daughter) because she doesn't have a boyfriend either". Great now I can form a club of spinsters. But last time I checked, her daughter did have a boyfriend she didn't know about. And today my mom came into my room to tell me some juicy news about my cousin (twice removed). "You know your aunt says that your cousin and he boyfriend are serious. She thinks that they'll get engaged soon. What about you? You don't even have a boyfriend" WELL THANKS FOR THE FUCKING REVELATION. I know I don't' have a boyfriend. And I don't care if she's going to get engaged. This is the cousin who unknowingly started to severely degrade my quality of life way back in high school. The cousin who made my great grandmother the happiest woman in the world, probably even happier than I've ever been able to make her. The same great mother that decided to call my mother screaming how happy she was, as if she won the bloody fucking lottery, that her great granddaughter had a boyfriend. Then it began. "What's wrong with you, why don't' you have a boyfriend?" On Wednesday, I was volunteering as a judge at a 2nd year university Engineering tradeshow, and came home kind of late. My mom came down the stairs and thought I had gone out with some guy I might had met. When I told her I was out with Thom, it was an oh and a sigh of disappointment that I hadn't come to tell her that I was madly in love with some bloke I had met at a University event. Yeah Mum, that's how I like them-- nice and young and in 2nd year Engineering.

And do you know what the funniest thing is about all of this? That my mother has never liked anyone I've liked. Why? Maybe because none of them been Chinese. Well reality check, I hate Chinese people anyways and I think I need to send out a memo with the message, "I will never date Chinese guys anyways, so give it up". I'm at the point where I want to shoot myself. Okay, not really. Frankly, I'd rather be in debt and living on my own, than staying at home and listening to this shit everyday. What kind of mother puts this much pressure on her child to get hitched? Especially when the child is only 23!!!! It always puts me in a bad mood and I end up snapping at everyone. I don't want to lose my friends in addition to not being in a relationship.

So what does it take to get my mom and everyone else off my case?? Let me know because I sure as hell don't fucking know.

That’s Texas Cowboy Ranger to you!

Wednesday March 9, 2006
I’m sitting in the Lubbock International airport waiting for my flight to Los Angeles, and my back is hurting from sitting so much over the past two days. Yesterday was fun in itself as I spent the ENTIRE day in an airport.

8:50 am: Toronto to Dallas
The way down to Dallas was terrific—I was on one of the new (err, at least new to me) Air Canada planes and there were freaking touch screen monitors and an amazing selection of movies, with different genres and films like Capote, and Water. The music was also waaaay more up to date with Albums from the top 20 (and you could select which CD you wanted to listen to), current TV shows, and games. My only mistake was watching the movie Water. This in no way means I thought it was bad movie, in fact it was one of the best movies I’ve watched in a while (but I was much more enthralled with Deepa Mehta’s ‘Earth’). I couldn’t stop crying and I can only imagine what the people walking down the aisle thought when they passed me crying and wiping my eyes dry.

11:30 am (central time): Arrival in Dallas
At this point I was starving and had the shakes so I rushed to the closest sandwich bar I could find. I felt uncomfortable because everyone was staring at me (most likely because I was the only person of a visible minority). I astounded the server when I spoke English without an accent. Highlight? Riding the Skylink to get to my connecting terminal. I think they have 6-7 different terminals. The architecture in the newer ones is beautiful—a clean modern look with plenty of glass and shiny granite floors. The escalators are incredibly high and have this sort of hypnotizing feel when you watch the down escalators as you go up.


Picture I took in DFW

3:54 pm: Still in Dallas?
Around 2:30 my I met up with my colleague who was flying in from Florida so that we could connect to our flight to Lubbock together. Flight departure was originally scheduled for 3:54. Something about a windshield wiper requiring replacement

4:30 pm: Still in Dallas.
Apparently it’s the windshield wiper’s motor that need replacing. At this point I’m thinking, “What the fuck? Texas rarely gets rain. Why do we need to fix it?”

4:45 pm: Still in Dallas
My colleague and I are talking to the pilot (I thought the man was carry guns from all the stickers on his travel case. E.g. Don’t like guns? Then get out!) and he said that Lubbock was getting thunderstorms

5:00 pm: DFW still? AH!!!
Announcement that they are going to try and bring a new plane. Leaving at 5:30.

5:45 pm: Guess where I am?
Still in Dallas. The new plane didn’t come and they delayed it till 6:30. Colleague and I give up waiting and go and get some frozen yogurt. Big mistake. Yogurt wasn’t the best… and I got a large size. Decided to stuff my face anyways as I was so hungry.

6:30: Finally!
I was still stuffing my face with my cookie dough blast as we were lining up to board the plane. Needless to say I was super excited to finally go and just settle in before a day of meetings. I fell asleep before we were even up in the air and woke up just after take off. A little freaked out I thought we were still on the runway and looked out to see the lights of Dallas below us. Of course I was ecstatic but then all of a sudden the plane started to shake because of some turbulence. I fell asleep again. About a half hour into the flight I felt like I was being shaken awake, but it was really the turbulence we were experiencing because the pilot was flying through a thunder storm. I’m not sure how many of you have even flown through a storm, but it was like a scene out of television: people in the rows in front of you clinging for dear life, bouncing and swaying in their seats. Honest to God, I thought I was going to die. I looked out my window and wanted to cry at the sight of the lightening flashing around us while the damn lights on the plane’s wings were dampened by the cloud around us. I didn’t want to grip my armrests because I would have made the child who was sitting next to me panic even more (the poor boy was turning green, not to mention I was also regretting eating so much of that terrible frozen yogurt). All I could think about was how much I didn’t want to die in an aeroplane. I mean we were going to Lubbock! You know Lubbock… put onto the map by Texas Tech, and Buddy Holly—who is also buried in Lubbock… who died in a plane crash. BUDDY HOLLY DIED IN A PLANE CRASH! I didn’t want to die like Buddy Holly on my way to Lubbock. So for 30 minutes I thought I was going to die, and was still pretty shaken after we landed in Lubbock. I left with the chatter of people behind me saying how they had never been through such a rough flight. Like no shit!

Exit at shit and it leads you to Much Music

Miss Pow: where is the bitch in me?

MezzaMera: lol watch much music for 5 minutes. it'll come back. stupid fucking channel. i can't stand the shit on there now

Miss Pow: i can't watch it. when i went skiing with my department we were all cussing off at the TV. there is no music on much music. it should be called something like "much shit on television"

MezzaMera: LOL! there u go!u've started

Miss Pow: and those goddamn vj's. seriously, where do them come from? they can tell their own faces from their fucking asses

MezzaMera: interchangeable! i can't stand them. leah....one day, i will smack her with sledgehammer and knock all her features back to where they're supposed to be

Miss Pow: do you know what she reminds me of? remember those days in elementary school where you always had the fucking blonde who thought she was better than everyone else? and always was more cool and popular than everyone else?

MezzaMera: LOL! exactly!!!! but really she's just been hit with a sledgehammer!

Miss Pow: dress her up in a frilly dress with a fucking bow tie and i can see her taunting me. "i'm better than you tee hee hee. look i get free clothes and i get to prance around television with your favourite rock stars"

MezzaMera: and i *looooove* everyone

Miss Pow: like do i have to stick my own finger down my throat to throw up?

MezzaMera: she could show you how. stupid cow

Miss Pow: and the vj search, i don't know what the fuck is up with that

MezzaMera: omigod i know. who the hell are these judges...i only know kardinall

Miss Pow: i'm glad that judge set those bitches in their place. i've only seen the commercial, but I snickered when she was yelling at the female competitors telling them that they had set women in television back 20 years

...

Our chat on the craptastic direction Much Music has taken. Where is the fucking music? If you still have patience with the channel watch the Wedge on Friday @ 11. Some of the best rock and there's no host unless it's guest hosted by a band.

My 12 Step Program

I've been working on a 12 step program to overcome my addiction to... er 'peanuts'. I don't quite know what all of the 12 steps will be, but I've come up with the first 5:

1) Admit you have a problem
2) Stop grabbing peanuts
3) Stop spacing out and thinking about peanuts 24/7... just freaking quit cold turkey
4) Remove any references and images of peanuts
5) Repeat, "no more peanuts" (like 10 times a day). Say it like a statement and not like a question! It's time to draw the line and have self-control

And for a short period of time I'm adding the bonus seminar on the prevention of that damn toe of the camel. Why does this still happen in the world? Do women not understand? It'll outline causes and steps that can be taken to avoid this embarrassing phenomenon.

I think one of the hardest things for me to realize and overcome has been the split between my life after graduation, and what my life used to be when I was in school. I know that a part of me has been trying to hold on to the school part, and I've been keeping up with Alumni stuff and maintaining my relationship with the school. And the other part of me is always trying to keep in touch with friends from university, the desire to hang out with them, to try and party with them like how I used to when we were all in school together. As much as I care for my friends it's that feeling of dread like you're in a relationship that's reached a dead end. I mean, okay so maybe it's not really that, but it's trying to grapple with the fact that's you're not in with the group anymore that's really given me a beating.

There's a graduation dance that I'm going to tomorrow for my friends who are still in school and tonight I was really asking myself, "Why the fuck ARE you going?" In the beginning I thought it was a brilliant idea-- afterall I had done school for three years with these people it was as if I was going to my real gradball with the people I had wanted to graduate with. But today I just felt really out of it. I guess I had all these ideas in my head like who I was going to go with, and where I'd be getting ready ended up instead with stuff like them not being sure what my plans were and there not being enough room in the car for me.

At work a co-worker said that if all of my friends were still in school and I wasn't, then I definitely was no a part of the gang anymore. I'm not angry with anyone or anything like that. Like shit happens, you know? I understand that people sometimes grow apart, and sometimes friendships fade away but it's just hard to take because there have been so many times in my life where my friends have given me support where my own family hasn't. Subconsciously I must have the expectation that they'll always be there for me and that they'll never forget me and I'm already feeling forgotten. I just know that I probably should focus on my small circle of close friends because they would never let me drift away.