Peace of Mind

I've grown rather tired of being constantly reminded of my failures as a daughter. Part of it is my fault, I admit it. I talk back when I feel it's necessary because I can't understand why I always have to take so much lip from my parents. Why is it that I'm always wrong? Why do I always have to just take it, as my father would put it? As I left the house to go see the Stills and Hawksley Workman at the Harbourfront, I called my friend Matt to see if he was interested in going. We ended up chatting for a bit, and he asked if I was okay and that eventually led to a brief venting session. It turns out that I'm not the only one who goes through this garbage-- in fact he knows a few people who go through the same things as me. Is this a fucking cultural thing? Is it just with the Chinese? Apparently not, which makes it more unfortunate. I would have felt better knowing all this negative bullshit, and constant nonconstructive criticism was concentrated in one group of people.

So I left for the concert in half tears still hearing my mom in my head, screaming that it was ridiculous of me to go to a concert alone, and even more ridiculous to go with my camera. If I can't find anyone to go with me, why should I let that stop me? If a person is always afraid to do things alone, or feels embarrassed, how are they even going to live? I did go to the concert alone, and I sat there in front second row watching these two bands perform and realized what it is about music and especially live music that makes me so friggin happy. It's that she can't take it away from me. Whether I'm alone, or I'm with a group of friends, I'm just so happy at that time and place not much else matters. She can't ruin my concert experience. At the end of the night it's just the performer opening themselves to a sea of strangers, while a whole bunch of people sing along, cheer and scream for something that they all share in common. I think it's the communication, the expression, the emotion, and the bonding (however impersonal it might seem) in something as simple as as concert. If this relationship or exchange of words and actions is so easy, why can't it be that easy at home?

FYI, I got some kick ass pictures at the concert and I'll be posting it on facebook soon.