Occupation: Personal Shopper

There's nothing I love doing more than shopping. It's one of those easy to grasp artistic forms that involves being able to shove your way through the mall, fight other women for bargains, and come out feeling victorious.

Lately, I have been asked by a few of my friends from the male species, to assist them in shopping for presents for their girlfriends. This of course has touched a precious part of my heart as I love to shop, but it's really more challenging to be a personal shopper than most people might think. With the exception of my cousin's girlfriend, I don't know anyone else I've shopped for. By going through a series of questions, I'm able to narrow down the appropriate budget, the stores to visit, the colours to pick, and a theme to go with! The greatest part about all of it is that I get to shop, spend someone else's money, help them realize that they know their girlfriend a lot better than they think AND of course spend time with the person.

Yesterday, I went shopping with my friend and came home to my mom interrogating me asking me where my boyfriend is. "Don't you think it's sad how all of your guy friends ask you to go shopping with them to buy stuff for their girlfriends but you have no one to give you presents?" I stood there for a bit-- silent and thinking Oh God you think? and instead replied with, "... yes. Well no. I like helping my friends out". The sad truth is that I spend a large percentage of my time asking myself why I don't have a boyfriend. I mean I don't have the expectation that my boyfriend is going to shower me with gifts, but it's that intimacy, that emotional connection that I miss. Okay, well getting presents are nice because I rarely get any, but at this point I'm sort of feeling that Santa can leave a nicely wrapped (mmm.. or unwrapped) boyfriend under the tree.

Another friend had the brilliant idea of taking me to the mall to go and visit him-- you know sit on his lap and make a very special Christmas wish. It would probably go something like this:


Santa: So... um what would you like for Christmas?

Miss Pow: Look, let's get to the chase, all I really want is to find a boyfriend I can see myself having a long term relationship with and someone who will eventually marry me. I really don't want to go use the sperm bank. Really.

Santa: Well...

Miss Pow: And that's not all Santa. He has to be at least a few inches taller than me, intelligent (at least university), average body build, I'm open to any ethnicity except Chinese. I do not want to marry into a Chinese family. I already know what I'm would expect and it's not pretty.

[blank expression on Santa's face]

Miss Pow: Great Santa, I knew you could pull through for me [I pat him on the shoulder and waltz off]


Loneliness really is a terrible thing, but in the mean time (as I wait for my present), I'm making plans for my commune of single mothers who have chosen to turn to sperm banks. Mainly for the reason that the hassle of finding a man for his sperm ends in the conclusion that all men are retarded and it really isn't worth the hassle, or like me (in addition to the retarded bit) have given up reasoning why I'm so undesirable to the opposite sex.