Confessions....

Sometimes I wonder what goes on in the heads of mothers. At my age (which isn't very old), all mothers seem to be in a panic to marry off their daughters. I ran into my neighbour who was watering her garden and we had the usual chit chat but something seemed to be bothering her. Eventually our conversation drew to an end and she tapped her foot and blurted out, "You know... I've just got to ask you... So do you have a boyfriend?" I was kind of shocked by the question actually. Was it any of her business? I mean she wasn't my mother. But she's like all mothers-- the ones who are trying their best to ensure that they'll be grandmothers one day. I calmly replied no, and she went on to tell me all about her daughter's boyfriend of 2.5 years. "You never know where it'll lead you know..." [Note to self: she's obviously proud of the fact that her daughter has made it that much farther in life than me]. Her daughter has probably found her soulmate, will get married soon, and will shortly begin pumping out those grandchildren.

And do you know what the honest truth is? I really don't give a bloody shit. Of course I'm happy for her. I'm happy that the two little love birds are off in Europe meeting each other's family, but am I supposed to feel bad that I'm all alone?

For the first time (and I know that it really is the first time), I'm happy. When I have nothing to do and I just sit and sorta space out, the first thing that comes to mind is how happy I am. I went to the Pride Parade with my friend Aki and Thom and I think it was at that point I realized how pleased I was with myself and my situation in life. I'm happy with the way I've turned out. I'm happy with my fantabulous wardrobe and my insane amount of shoes. I'm happy with my family and oddly enough, my life at home. I'm happy that I have so many wonderful friends. I'm happy that I've been able to keep some friends from the recently dissolved relationship and know that they weren't formalities of the relationship. I'm happy (and in love) with my new car (vroom vroom. Chanx christened her the Slut. Wouldn't you like to ride her some time?). I'm happy and excited about my new career, the oodles of money they want to pay me, and the fact that I get to travel and work on challenging projects for some of the biggest companies in North America. Most importantly I'm happy to be single. I haven't felt the need for a significant other. I haven't cried about my fear of being alone forever (ha ha, well going on a week and a half!). I feel better being single again because I want to stay single. I'm happy with me.

Other things I'm happy with? I went shopping for the fourth time and I finally bought shoes for work. It's a miracle. A bloodly miracle. The first three trips had been splurges on non-work clothes and shoes. Now I am the proud owner of a fine pair of sexy black leather kitten heel shoes. Rwar. However, the hotness factor is severely offset by the tan lines on my feet. They're so dark and defined that there is no hope. They cannot be fixed. And I tried to fix them with self tanning lotion. It was a nightmare, so don't ever do it. I was incredibly excited and all seemed to go well until I woke the next morning, jumped out of bed eager to see my tanned feet. The night before I spoke to either Chanx or Thom and said, "Soon all men will love me because of my wonderfully tanned feet". I think not. I screamed and scrubbed my feet clean. My feet are ugly to begin with, but somehow they seemed even more ugly because of the orange stripes running across my feet. I've learned to accept them, which is another thing I'm happy about. Just so you learn from my mistakes I've attached a rather scary pic below....

Yeah go laugh your heart out. At least I can live with the fact that my blunders bring laughter and happiness into the world! I won't ever do it again. No fucking way.

So that's my update. Quite long yes? Boring I hope not. I like to write even though I might not be terribly good at it.

Over and out.

What day is today? It's a shopping day!

The day started out with a trip to Ikea which is always a bad idea because I always want everything in the store. I'm absolutely terrible when I go there because I gawk around thinking of all the ways I could decorate my dream home. The wave of creativity and inspiration was what I needed though-- as I've decided to continue the sketches and plans for my dream home. Shopping wise, there was a promo going on and they mailed $20 gift cards out. I made a long awaited purchase of a Unicef Teddy bear. Every time I go there, I never seem to remember to get it. Now that it was free I made sure I didn't forget! (I have the orange one)

The afternoon was taken up by more shopping, where my mission was to find a pair of practical shoes for work. I came back with no shoes but lots of clothes. Aiiiya, I need to keep a shopping list with me! Instead, I found a really awesome powder pink blazer that is a bit reminiscent of a couch, a hot little black dress (to add to my collection of black dresses. I only have black :I ), and tons of shirts.

In light of the fact that I was unable to find a pair of shoes, I've scheduled in another day of shopping. Ha, ha ha, oh dear! :P

Stuff.... so far....

I've haven't written anything for a while, and I'm not quite sure where to begin. A lot of things have happened this week-- too much for me to process! Within the span of 4 days, I returned from my vacation a more cultured (and tanned) person, went to my first non-family post-wedding party, became single again and then started a new job. Today I finally graduated from University with the knowledge that I will never have to go back to school unless I really want to.

This issue that's been bothering me the most has been the recent breakup. Now I know blogs are public things so I won't get into the details, but I'm sure that many people (especially ladies) can sympathize and relate to how I'm feeling. I've vowed to myself to try only to date people who can talk to me about their emotions. I say try because I know how hard it is especially if what you're going to say will hurt the other person. I've gone out with guys who just can't talk to me. Now I know it's fabled that there are some men in the world who do. I've reasoned that once I meet someone who can come and talk to me (because he really wants to make the effort to help me understand), he's probably someone I won't ever want to let go of (as a friend or boyfriend). He'll also probably be someone who will try his best not to lose me.

Now I can't really complain about the relationship because I did have fun, and I really really did like the guy, but on Saturday at the wedding party (and perhaps at other points in the latter part of the relationship), I had never felt more useless and alienated in my life. I don't think I would have put up with it much longer, but sometimes the other half should try to explain his actions. For a while I thought that maybe it had been my imagination and made up excuses, but at one point during my vacation (we took separate trips) I became worried and had this sense of dread and knew what was coming. And me being me, I thought I could hold onto something that wasn't there anymore. While Bootsy goes and tries to get himself sorted, I've done a lot of thinking as to why neither of my two former boyfriends have ever had the courage to try and talk to me. Now I don't think it would have been possible to salvage any sort of relationship other than friendship, but would it not have been some sort of relief for the person? To get their thoughts out, to sort out their feelings? I've never had much difficulty in opening up to people because it's something that I do naturally. So maybe I'm ignorant and I don't understand. But what I do know is that I would listen no matter what-- I'm here for my friends and especially significant other.

And as a note to everyone, please don't ever break up with someone the day before they start a job. It has bad results.

On a lighter note, my face is in the convocation box. If anyone from my school disliked me, then they definitely got to see me one last time. Muwah ha ha I say. Muwah ha ha. I can't say I like the picture very much, but it's pretty cool to be selected for profiling. Hooray to that bitches!

Home sweet home... Soon!

It's almost time to go back home.. a little hard to believe it's been nearly a month already!

I'm excited though, happy to be seeing my family, boyfriend and friends again.

Time is running out at internet cafe! Will write a rather long update later.

Switzerland was wonderful (except the people), and I went to Germany too! However, I made one purchase in the Blackforest that I'm not too sure about.... a cuckoo clock :S